Dollar at All Time Low Against Euro; Europeans Getting Sick of Money

The United States dollar has hit an all time low against the Euro today, as it is now worth less than €0.70, and it seems to be spiraling further downward. This has led to outrage in Europe, where people are complaining that the sudden wealth that they have been accumulating hand over fist is "too much". "It is too cheap to go the States these days," says Hans Scheisskopf, CEO of Berlin-based Erpressung Nationalbank. "When I go to exchange my euros, I can't even fit all the dollars into my pocket. I hate having to hire someone to help me spend all that money. Unfortunately, I still had way too much money left over after buying the Trump building."

Things have gotten really bad in France, where logging companies may soon go bankrupt thanks to a new alternative fuel. "We just go to the bank every now and then and buy dollars," explains Jacques Priseâne. "It's so much cheaper than firewood, and it burns hotter. Just yesterday, my wife saved us even more money when she discovered that the Washingtons work just as well as the Benjamins for only a fraction of the cost."

Not everyone in France is enjoying the practically free fuel, however. "If I see another greenback, I'm going to puke," says art collector Agathe Étouffante. "There is too much green. After my experience at the exchange booth, I never want to go to America again!"

Nowhere is this worse than in Britain, which uses the pound sterling, where people are fed up with their wealth. Eldridge Smith, a British expat currently living in New York, tells us: "It's like getting a free ride. I still have loads of cash left over after buying a flat on the top floor of Hans Scheisskopf's building and buying another flat to store the loads of cash left over from buying my flat."

Just like a chocolate lover who has eaten too much chocolate, Europeans cannot stand to look at their large sums of money anymore. Unfortunately, there is no end in sight.